My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
