Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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