please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
