I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
