You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
