My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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