its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
