he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
