I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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