I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
