I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
