one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
