I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
