cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize