My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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