i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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