you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
