she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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