I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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