ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
