the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Randomize
