And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
