you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she smelled like a LAN party
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
