so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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