can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
