It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
