R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
