come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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