New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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