Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
