I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
