So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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