when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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