i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize