So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
