I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
