Pants 0. Shit 1.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i drank out of a bidet.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
