There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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