i barfeds in our rink
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
