I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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