Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
