K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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