I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
