I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
