Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
