Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
