what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He shit in the fireplace
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
