i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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