I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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