I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
