It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I would fuck him just for his dog
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
