I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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