i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You dont lie about slip and slides
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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