yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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