i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
