i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Randomize
