I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
