I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
