For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
