Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
