Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
