There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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