drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
