Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
