I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize