Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
