thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
