I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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