Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
