I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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