I wanna passion pit in your ass
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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