i don't plan on having that self control this summer
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
