So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
