yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Ketchup is God's man juice
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
