wanna go halves on a baby?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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