it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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